Agnosticism: what will we do if there is doo doo?

Atheism: they never told us that God could remove doo doo.

Bapticism: we don't believe any of the doo doo in this web site!

Barbarism: what is all this doo doo about anyway?

Buddhism: we didn't know that there was so much doo doo.

Calvinism: this doo doo happened because I didn't work hard.

Catholicism: this doo doo is happening to me because I'm bad.

Confucianism: Confucius says doo doo happens.

Darwinism: all doo doo started with a big bang and evolves.

Episcopalianism: wonder how much doo doo those noahhites drank?

Hari Krisnaism: only good doo doo really happens.

Hedonism: we only like pleasurable doo doo.

Hinduism: this doo doo has happened before.

Islamism: all doo doo happens at the Will of Allah.

Judaism: why is this doo doo always happening to me?

Laxativism: good bye to all doo doo.

Mohammedism: this doo doo will happen again.

Paganism: we never liked the doo doo of city slickers.

Pilgrimism: we sure are glad that our doo doo is behind us.

Protestantism: let's let this doo doo happen to somebody else.

Taoism: doo doo happens.

Unitarianism: we learned that all doo doo is different.

Zenism: why don't we see any doo doo?

N o a h h i t e i s m:

     Noahhites have been raptured above all doo doo even though most of us are still here, with our feet planted firmly on the earth, with our heads in the clouds with Him. (Luke 26:64 and 1 Thes 4:17)

P.S. We don't want to leave out our Rastafarian religious friends in South Florida that might say, "Why don't we smoke this doo doo?" And they aren't even in our good tobacco states!

P.P.S. We thank God for a tract that gave us this idea.

---

The preceding beliefs is Appendix E in HIS FATHER'S TEMPLE, edited for this web site.

Now, several jokes for potential members of the original anonymous deal.

---

Fruitcake Recipe

1 cup  water

1 cup  sugar 

4 large eggs

2 cups dried fruit

1 teaspoon  baking  soda

1 teaspoon salt

1 cup  brown  sugar

lemon juice

nuts

1 gallon  whiskey

 

Sample the  whiskey to check for quality.

 

Take a large bowl.

 

Check the  whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality.  Pour one level cup and drink.

 

Repeat.

 

Turn on the  electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a large, fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.

 

Make  sure the whiskey is still OK.

 

Cry another tup.

 

Turn  of  mixer.

 

Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried  fruit.  Mix on the turner.  If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

 

Sample the  whiskey to check for tonsisticity.

 

Next, sift 2 cups of salt.  Or something.  Who cares?

 

Check the  whiskey.

 

Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.  Add one table spoon of sugar or something.  What ever you can find.   Grease the oven.  Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.  Don't forget to beat off the turner.  Throw the bowl out of the window.

 

Check the whiskey again.

 

Go to bed.   Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?

 

---

Finding Jesus

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher.  The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yess, Preacher..I sure am."

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked.

"Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?"

"Noooo, I did not Reverrend."

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My Good man, have you found Jesus yet?"

The ole drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

Moses and Jesus

     As the story goes, there was a burglar that intruded into a residence one night.  Being very careful, and cautious, he was moving around in the dark, very slowly.  After he had been in the home for a few minutes, he heard, "Jesus is watching you;" he froze.

     After a few more minutes, he started moving around  again.  And again he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

     At the risk of being found out, he turned on his flash light.  In looking around the room he saw no one.  Upon closer inspection, he finally observed a cage, in the corner of the room.  There was a parrot in the cage.

     He mustered his courage and asked, "Is that you in the cage talking to me?"  "Yes," answered the parrot.

     "What is your name?"

     The parrot responded, "Moses."

     "Who in the world would name a parrot Moses?"

     "The same people that named the Rottweiler Jesus." 

---

Let us tell you the story about the country preacher that prepared his sermon on Wednesday.  And later in the week, he missed his bicycle.  So he decided to change the sermon to the Ten Commandments, and really give his congregation hell for stealing his bike.

So, during the sermon, he related that he had decided to give them a hard time, but while he was preaching on Thy shall not commit adultery, he remembered where he left his bicycle.

---

We are growing along spiritual lines . . .

---