f
e a r
It
might be that certain forms of fear are good things, in that if we were
not afraid, should we hear a rattler's tail making a shaking noise, maybe we ought to
be, or should be afraid. Rattlesnakes can be deadly. And if we are on the roof of a high rise
building, with the wind blowing in gale or hurricane force, and we are at
the edge which does not have any type of guard rail, certainly we should
be concerned about hitting the ground with a thump and a splat. So,
fear can be used to advise us of a dangerous situation, pertaining to a
life threatening predicament or circumstance.
On
the other hand, the fear that anonymous recovery makes us learn how to
accept, get used to and ultimately comfortable
with, as well as fully experience, is one of the twelve promises to be
fulfilled, and is mentioned on page 84, in the
original anonymous recovery text book, which is a by product of working the
first nine steps:
Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.
Let
us put this in other words, so that we get a full grasp of what this web
page is supposed to be about.
The
fear of economic insecurity will leave us, if we are willing to let life unfold,
rather than trying to figure it out, and make things happen, when the
chips are down, and we know, deep down in our heart, that we are headed
for really big trouble, as relates to our worldly human psyche. It does not say that the insecurity will
leave, but the fear of it will leave.
Cleary
and vividly remember being out of money, transportation, housing, job,
telephone, checking account, ad infinitum, and finally, with luggage in
hand, got my ass dropped off at the Red Shield Boy's Facility, for a
pleasant stay. Within two months, got kicked out of their place,
because I would take time to study the bible every morning, before
I did anything else. They were really afraid of me. In
subsequent weeks and months, got kicked out of a variety of
"christian homes," because I did not have enough money to pay
weekly rent.
About
ten years earlier, a financial collapse really was a humongous mess.
Sure am glad that our savior is the Mess-iah. Was about seven
hundred thousand dollars in debt to lending institutions, for real estate
properties, and all income ceased, over night! There was not enough
cash to hire an attorney. His quote to me was, "I can't help
you, because you do not have any money, and you might take me down with
you." Within a period of time, God let me get all of that debt
paid off, without filing for bankruptcy. As assets from my old life
became available, they were used to pay off all debt.
But
that did not teach me my lesson, so, once again, when a wonderful job was
obtained, and good transportation was needed, in that the job was out of
state, and required weekly travel, went into debt for a rather expensive
car, at that time.
When
the doctor, in the emergency room, told me what had caused the unbearable
pain, the only thing to do was to resign that job, due to stress. Months later, on
the same day, had the car towed off, got my eviction notice for the patio
home that I was living in, and had the
phone cut off, all within a few hours of each other. That was about ten
years plus into abstinence, and I figured out, all by my little ole self,
that I had a love hate relationship with God. How could he let that
happen to me, after all of those people that I had tried to help?
During
that period of extreme financial peril, remember receiving a telephone
call one morning, from a Ms. Green, that worked for one of the banks that
I had credit with, and she said, "Mr. M_, I hate to ruin your day,
but I need to talk to you about your credit card."
My
instant reply to her was, "In the name of Jesus, you do not
have the power to ruin my day." Instantly, she hung up the
phone, on me.
Don't
know if any of you have tried to get a loan at any banking institution,
with the following line about the "dark past" being our best
assets, but doubt that
they would be very receptive to that concept; this quote is from page 124:
Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life
seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have
- the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them.
Now
let us quote a line from the bigbook about health, which is found on page
133, from "The Family Afterwards:"
Now about health: A body badly burned by alcohol does not often recover overnight nor do twisted thinking and depression vanish in a twinkling.
We are convinced that a spiritual mode of living is a most powerful health restorative. We, who have recovered from serious drinking, are miracles of mental health. But we have seen remarkable transformations in our bodies. Hardly one of our crowd now shows any mark of dissipation.
scribe's
note: have not had health insurance for over two decades. the
pain caused by dental issues, which lasted for over a decade, were the
hardest to learn how to cope with. but even on that front, their
meds quit working for me, when it came to relieving the pain caused by abscesses.
Let
us quickly comment on what we perceive our dilemma to be, as stated on
page 18, in the chapter "There Is A Solution."
An
illness of this sort, and we have come to believe it an illness, involves those about us in a way no other human sickness can. If a person has cancer all are sorry for him and no one is angry or hurt. But not so with the alcoholic illness, for with it there goes annihilation of all the things worth while in life. It engulfs all whose lives touch the sufferer's. It brings misunderstanding, fierce resentment,
financial insecurity, disgusted friends and employers, warped lives of blameless children, sad wives and parents - anyone can increase the list.
Admittedly
I did not make it to the chronic phase of the illness, but rest assured
the acute phase got me. In the fifties, I think that is was 1957,
the AMA decided to declare alcoholism a disease, pronounced di-sease.
Please notice the pronunciation of the following word, which comprise the
same letters.
dis-ease
The
reason that the AMA called it a di-sease was so they could treat us sick
suckers, and get the insurance companies to pay for it, thus yielding
their profession untold amounts of new cash available. Some might
even call it wind fall profits.
Now
to the meat of the matter. We have harbored ill feelings
about places, things, institutions, situations, and people. Got
it? Sure was a big harbor wasn't it? We are certainly not
talking about a place for rowboats or dinghies. We are talking about
some world class ocean going vessels. Ships that are huge!
Sure am glad that we have a fellowship that can help us resolve all
conflicts, if the spiritual principles can be practiced, enough.
But
back to our fear issues, less we get sidetracked, and end up in some black
hole, in outer space, from which we could never return.
It
boils down to the following quote from page 53 in the bigbook:
When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crises we could not postpone or evade, we had to
fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn't. What was our choice to be?
Dear
friends, I went to meetings, regularly, for well over a dozen years, but
then really started finding out what it meant to be in an anonymous
fellowship recovery program. Up until then, I was clueless! As
a matter of fact, at about five and a half years into abstinence, God got
me a job in an area that I could attend many meetings a day.
There
were many days that the sunrise, early morning, mid morning, noon, mid
afternoon, happy hour, eight o'clock, and late night meetings were
attended by this sick sucker, all in one day. Plus all of the
spiritual television, bible study, meditation books - about five or six at
that time, service work of hauling drunks around town, and speaking at
correctional facilities etc.
After
each very painful ordeal of financial difficulties being resolved, a much
easier life style was always enjoyed, and the spiritual perks were well
worth the price of crucifying the pride, and starving the ego.
To
close this web page, let us pass on something that was heard years
ago. "It is not important what happens to a man. What is
important is that which happens on the inside of man."
