manic-depressive
Maybe the
best place to start on this topic, is a quote from the pre-book chapter in
the bigbook called, "The Doctor's Opinion." This quote is found on page xxvii.
There is the manic-depressive
type, who is, perhaps, the least understood by his friends, and about whom a whole chapter could be written.
Today,
seems that most people call this condition, bi-polar. When we
consider the North and South Poles, we must admit that there is a lot of
stuff, between the two, and that they are definitely at the opposite ends
of the earth.
When it
was arranged for me to be admitted to detox, and ultimately a treatment
program, where we find out some brutal facts, it seemed the best at that
time, for someone to drive me to that facility, just in case it was
decided to hit a bridge abutment, which was a thought that I had.
About six
years later, a very prominent professional, in the field of psychiatry,
looked at me and said, "You are the worse case of manic-depressive
that I have ever seen." I was much worse than I had been, at
the beginning of the abstinence process. My illness had definitely
progressed!
Several
years before entrance into the anonymous fellowship, was hospitalized,
where the admitting physician put on the chart, "severe
depression." He should have put on the chart, extreme
drunk. After a weeks stay in the hospital, my resolution was that I
would never drink that damn gin and tonic again, those juniper berries
would kill me. So, I changed to vodka.
Anyway,
the reason for the admission to the hospital was as follows. On a
thanksgiving morning, we were in a suite, in my hometown, with wife and
children present. Upon awakening, had several beers, and later that
morning, we went to the in-laws, for the festive holiday function, which
was customary.
By noon,
the booze came out, and in the next few hours, while eating and watching
television - football games, and consuming over a quart of gin, was taken
to the emergency room, in a wheel chair, at about four thirty, in the
afternoon.
Prior to
that, at my wife's request, had put her in business, because the kids were
at an age that she needed something else to do. So, I had lost my
wife, to the business community, in my mind, and I did not know how to
cope with that, except to drink. Don't know what it is about my
personality, but I am not capable of being anyone's second fiddle.
Anyway,
in the early days of abstinence, at least once a week, and some times
several times a week, depression would be discussed in the recovery
meetings. And I really could not identify with them, because my life
and marriage had turned around dramatically, without the burden of drunkenness.
Little did I know.
So, when
a financial calamity hit, after I had decided that I had to get out of the
marriage, and everything went down the drain about a year later, my physician
told me to go to see the prominent Dr. Ted.
To make a
long story short, made a decision not to take the medication prescribed,
by the shrink. Even talked to my regular physician about it, which
he recommended. But since I knew that I had to learn how to depend
on God, told him, that since what they were prescribing, that was an
element of the earth, a sodium, that he would have to provide it, if I was
to have it. Low and behold, soon - a few months later, I was living
at the coast, where the salt air must have done what needed to be done.
But now
let me share some things that have made a difference in my daily
life. In looking something up in the dictionary one day, came across
an entry the Great Depression. As I recall, in the explanation, the
phrase "reduced financial status" hit me like a tidal wave,
ergo, depression simply means "reduced status," that I had
become accustomed to. The light bulb came on.
Now to
comment on what manic means to me. That is when I am overly
enthusiastic about my bull s---, that you could care less about.
Admittedly, my life has been consumed by the noahhite concepts, but they
are inspired and spirit guided efforts, that are not of my self.
They are definitely in the spiritual realm, and I am just along for the
ride.
Have told
a number of folks, that are closest to me, that since I am just trying to
be obedient, my emotions are not wrapped up in this concept. I am
trying to follow through with what I am being taught to believe, not what
is known, from human knowledge. I am just the scribe, doing the best
that I can, one day at a time.
And, I am
not in your face, spouting off my stuff. You are on this web site,
because of your curiosity, or at the leading of the spirit. The best
to you my dear friends.
